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Resume Bloopers
This page was last updated on
15-Jun-02
Transitioning to Work:
Resume Bloopers
ersonnel expert and author Robert Half advises job seekers to carefully proofread resumes before sending them to prospective employers - making sure they don't give too much information. Here are some examples of resume bloopers he has collected over the past 40 years:
Reasons for Leaving Last Job
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Responsibility makes me nervous.They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions.
Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.
I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.
Being in trouble with the law, I moved quite frequently.
In my last position, got nowhere as part of a 60-person herd. Consequently, I did not give the company my full effort and received no chance of advancement in return.
Education & Qualifications
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Finished eighth in my high school graduating class of ten.
Suspected to graduate early next year.
No education or experience.
I have eight arms and eight legs with excellent interpersonal skills
I have unsuccessfully raised a dog.
At the age of twelve, I began hustling newspapers like many other great Americans had done. The only difference was that they became great.
I'll need $30K to start, full medical, three weeks of vacation, stock options and ideally a European sedan.
I need just enough money to have pizza every night.
I prefer informality like wearing sports shirts and sandals for footwear in the summer. I prefer setting my own pace. When things get slack I like the right to walk out and get a haircut during working hours.
Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.
My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
I am loyal to my employer at all costs....Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.
Proven ability to track down and correct erors.
I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.
I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.
Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory.
I have never had a single blemish held against me and my IQ is off the charts.
I am quick at typing, about 25 word per minute, 35 with caffeinated coffee.
Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.
Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.
Typos Changing the Meaning
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Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.
Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse.
Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.
I'm a rabid typist.
Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.
Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!
Please don't regard my 14 positions as job hopping. I never once quit a job.
Source: Accountemps, February 8, 1995 press release.
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