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Resume Bloopers
 This page was last updated on 15-Jun-02

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 Transitioning to Work:
 Resume Bloopers
ersonnel expert and author Robert Half advises job seekers to carefully proofread resumes before sending them to prospective employers - making sure they don't give too much information. Here are some examples of resume bloopers he has collected over the past 40 years:

Reasons for Leaving Last Job

Responsibility makes me nervous.
They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions.
Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.
I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.
Being in trouble with the law, I moved quite frequently.
In my last position, got nowhere as part of a 60-person herd. Consequently, I did not give the company my full effort and received no chance of advancement in return.

Education & Qualifications

Finished eighth in my high school graduating class of ten.
Suspected to graduate early next year.
No education or experience.
I have eight arms and eight legs with excellent interpersonal skills
I have unsuccessfully raised a dog.
At the age of twelve, I began hustling newspapers like many other great Americans had done. The only difference was that they became great.

Special Requests

I'll need $30K to start, full medical, three weeks of vacation, stock options and ideally a European sedan.
I need just enough money to have pizza every night.
I prefer informality like wearing sports shirts and sandals for footwear in the summer. I prefer setting my own pace. When things get slack I like the right to walk out and get a haircut during working hours.
Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.
My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
I am loyal to my employer at all costs....Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.

Skills & Accomplishments

Proven ability to track down and correct erors.
I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.
I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.
Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory.
I have never had a single blemish held against me and my IQ is off the charts.
I am quick at typing, about 25 word per minute, 35 with caffeinated coffee.

Physical Disabilities

Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.

Personal Interests

Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.

Typos Changing the Meaning

Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.
Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse.
Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.
I'm a rabid typist.
Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.
Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!
Please don't regard my 14 positions as job hopping. I never once quit a job.

Source: Accountemps, February 8, 1995 press release.

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