Resume Bloopers

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<TABLE BORDER="5" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="572" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#FFCC00" BORDERCOLORDARK="#FFFFFF" FRAME="ABOVE" RULES="NONE" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="566"><div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Student Nurse Forum"><U><B>Main Menu</b></U></A><B> / </b><A HREF="id148.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Transitioning to Work"><U><B>Transitioning to Work</b></U></A><B> / Resume Bloopers</b></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> <I><B> Transitioning to Work:</b></I></div> <div> <I><B> Resume Bloopers</b></I></div> <div> <TABLE BORDER="5" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="571" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#0033CC" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="ABOVE" RULES="NONE" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="565"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="565" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="1" CELLSPACING="0" WIDTH="45" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="LEFT" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 59 WIDTH="43"><div> <B>P</b></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> ersonnel expert and author Robert Half advises job seekers to carefully proofread resumes before sending them to prospective employers - making sure they don't give too much information. Here are some examples of resume bloopers he has collected over the past 40 years: </div> <bR> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="306" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="RHS" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFCC80 HEIGHT= 26 ><NOBR><div> <I><B>Reasons for Leaving Last Job</b></I></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Responsibility makes me nervous.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">I was working for my mom until she decided to move.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Being in trouble with the law, I moved quite frequently. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">In my last position, got nowhere as part of a 60-person herd. Consequently, I did not give the company my full effort and received no chance of advancement in return.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="306" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="RHS" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFCC80 HEIGHT= 26 ><NOBR><div> <I><B>Education & Qualifications</b></I></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Finished eighth in my high school graduating class of ten. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Suspected to graduate early next year.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">No education or experience.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">I have eight arms and eight legs with excellent interpersonal skills</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">I have unsuccessfully raised a dog.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">At the age of twelve, I began hustling newspapers like many other great Americans had done. The only difference was that they became great.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="306" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="RHS" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFCC80 HEIGHT= 26 WIDTH="300"><div> <I><B>Special Requests</b></I></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">I'll need $30K to start, full medical, three weeks of vacation, stock options and ideally a European sedan.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">I need just enough money to have pizza every night.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">I prefer informality like wearing sports shirts and sandals for footwear in the summer. I prefer setting my own pace. When things get slack I like the right to walk out and get a haircut during working hours.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">I am loyal to my employer at all costs....Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="306" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="RHS" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFCC80 HEIGHT= 26 ><NOBR><div> <I><B>Skills & Accomplishments</b></I></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Proven ability to track down and correct erors.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">I have never had a single blemish held against me and my IQ is off the charts.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">I am quick at typing, about 25 word per minute, 35 with caffeinated coffee.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="306" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="RHS" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFCC80 HEIGHT= 26 WIDTH="300"><div> <I><B>Physical Disabilities</b></I></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="306" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="RHS" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFCC80 HEIGHT= 26 WIDTH="300"><div> <I><B>Personal Interests</b></I></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="306" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="RHS" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFCC80 HEIGHT= 26 ><NOBR><div> <I><B>Typos Changing the Meaning</b></I></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">I'm a rabid typist.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.gif" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Please don't regard my 14 positions as job hopping. I never once quit a job.</div> <bR> <div> <B>Source</b>: Accountemps, February 8, 1995 press release.</div> <bR> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <A HREF="#top" TITLE="Resume Bloopers"><U>Return to the top</U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="0" CELLSPACING="0" WIDTH="526" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#FFCC80" BORDERCOLORDARK="#FFCC80" FRAME="VOID" RULES="NONE" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" BGCOLOR=#FFCC80 > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFCC80 HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="526"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="526" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <div> Advertisements:</div> <div>   <center><a href="http://wwnurse.com/cgi-local/adcredir.pl" target="_top"> <script> document.write('<img src="http://wwnurse.com/cgi-local/adcnet.pl?kcsun333&'+Math.random()+'" border="0" width="468" height="60"></a><br><a href="http://wwnurse.com/cgi-local/adcclick.pl?kcsun333" target="_top"><img src="http://wwnurse.com/NurseLink/images/network.gif" border="0" width="468" height="20"></a>'); </script> </center>   </div> <bR> <div>    <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 width=468><tr> <td align="center"><IFRAME SRC="http://ibg.hitbox.com/ace?id=44313&hb=WQ501024IHZW48EN5" width=468 height=60 marginwidth=0 marginheight=0 frameborder=0 scrolling=no> <a target="_top" href="http://ics.hitbox.com/csr?id="><img src="http://ibg.hitbox.com/ace?id=44313&hb=WQ501024IHZW48EN5&i=n" border=0 width=468 height=60 alt="Click Here"></a></IFRAME></td></tr> <tr><td><A href="http://counter.hitbox.com/a/joinbar.cgi" target="_top"> <IMG SRC="http://hg1.hitbox.com/HG?hc=wf155&l=y&hb=WQ501024IHZW48EN5&cd=1&n=Bloopers" height=15 width=468 ALT="Click Here!" border=0></A></td></tr></table>    </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=30 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <B> Copyright </b><B>© 2000-2002 Stephanie Thibeault, The Student Nurse Forum</b></div> <div> <A HREF="id24.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="About This Site"><U>About This Site</U></A>     <A HREF="id127.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Privacy"><U>Privacy</U></A>     <A HREF="id128.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Disclaimer"><U>Disclaimer</U></A>     <A HREF="id129.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Copyright"><U>Copyright</U></A>     <A HREF="id130.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Terms Conditions"><U>Terms & Conditions</U></A>     <A HREF="id25.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contact Us"><U>Contact Us</U></A>    <A HREF="id41.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Site Map"><U>Site Map</U></A></div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>